I’m getting so many messages like this one, telling me to slow down the process of publishing my book. Another spoke loud and clear in a horoscope, in a magazine that I never read, except for one night last week when i just happened to pick it up. I’m being guided to look more closely at and revise some of the content in my memoir that I thought was finished, but it’s not, and having to learn patience on a whole new level. Trust the Timing is not just the title of my book. It’s my life lesson. Oh, boy. Another lesson. Thanks, God. I might roll my eyes. I might even stomp my foot. But I’m listening, cause I know who’s running this show.
Tuesday was my last full day at the job I worked for 30 years. In January, I’ll go back for a few hours to wrap up some paperwork and get the rest of my stuff, and there will be a “retirement” party. But these things will be on my terms and at my convenience.
My husband told me he was proud of me for retiring on my terms. But it was because of him that I was able to do it that way, cutting my hours back gradually, building my courage for the leap of faith, trusting that I would be taken care of. My husband, not wanting to contribute to the commercialization of Christmas, doesn’t like to buy presents from a store, but he loves to make things from wood like candle holders and Christmas ornaments like the balloon above. I tend to agree with him. He’s giving me the best gift of all the Christmas – the gift of retirement.
It was hard to say goodbye to my clients. But it was the right decision for me. Now, I get giggly inside, like a kid at Christmas, as I realize I don’t have to go back to the bureaucracy, to the demands to do more in less time – or bringing work home, or to the witnessing of the wreckage of addiction.
I am forever grateful to have witnessed the triumphs over addiction and for the privilege to be able to help a little. I’m thankful for all that I’ve learned. But I believe I’ve paid my dues. Now, it’s my turn to follow my heart back to its creative home. I’ll probably do a stress management group somewhere, maybe a group with a creative twist! But it will be on my terms.
I will remember all those late nights I drove home exhausted, my hands aching from the keyboard, wondering if I would ever get caught up on the paperwork, wondering if I could make it another 10 years until social security and medicare kicked in, wondering if those benefits would even be there for me in 10 years.
I will remember praying to God for deliverance, telling myself, God has a plan.
Little did I know how marvelous that plan would be. God was watching me, loving me, encouraging me, and doing the same for my soulmate 700 miles away. God waited for the perfect time, when my soulmate and I were ready to journey together. (And in case you didn’t know, I’m writing a book about that.)
Ten years ago, I asked God to take away the desire for a partner, or to send someone who is a good fit.
Today, I thank God for the gift of my husband who is a good fit. And I thank my husband for the gift of freedom to be me. On my terms. And on God’s terms.
I never would have imagined that at the age of 56, after twenty years of marriage and the unexpected divorce that brought me to my knees, after the rebound from hell followed by the rebound from purgatory, and after five years of celibacy when I almost gave up on romance, that I would end up marrying the love of my life.
God had a plan all along. We just had to be ready. Not perfect, just ready to work on our stuff together.
Never give up.
You never know
what wonderful surprises
are waiting right around the corner!
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
Twenty years of Holy Matrimony
Tossed out like old shoes.
What happened to the promise?
To the the dream?
To the love?
Change ran them off
Down divergent paths.
Finally passed as
Seeped into the empty space
Making room for new possibilities.
I found my self again.
And loved me for my soul.
And when the time was right,
Everything made sense.
Now I’m thankful
that he made that space
and found a better fit.
I’m thankful for the time to heal
and learning to let go.
I’m thankful for the lessons learned
on long and winding roads.
I’m thankful for convergent paths
That brought my true love home.
© 2016 JoAnne Silvia. All words and photos on this post are the property of JoAnne Silvia.
Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends and followers for whom I am very thankful!
Yes, to the Stream of Consciousness!
Yes! It’s time to move forward.
I’ve taken a break and licked my wounds.
Now it’s time to jump back in the stream.
But, but, but….
I have so many streams going on
So many things I want to do.
Irons in fire
Burning, smouldering, steaming…
Here’s the deal:
I will not say yes to anything I have not already said yes to.
That means I have to say no to some things.
Or I can say, not right now, maybe later.
When the time is right,
When he asked me to marry him,
Under the full December moon
Of almost four years past,
I said, “You have to get down on one knee.”
Did I see an eye roll
hidden in that smile?
But he did it anyway.
And I said,
Today’s Stream of Consciousness prompt and post was affirmatively brought to you by
Linda G. Hill. Visit, https://lindaghill.com/2016/11/18/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-1916/ for a treat!
Linda said we get bonus points if we use the prompt: “yes” at the beginning and the end of our post. Yes! I get bonus points! Can I cash them in, or do I simply celebrate? Yes! Hey, it feels good to say, yes!
Here are the SoCS rules:
2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.
4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.
6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.
8. Have fun!
This is my offering for the collaborative at Forgotten Meadows inspired by the prompt:
“When Dreams Fade Away.”
(The photo was taken by my friend Caroline in 1972.)
When Dreams Fade, By JoAnne Silvia
When you left me
all those years ago
against your will
and surely against mine,
the dreams in my young heart
into mere echos
of another lifetime.
Four decades later,
after years of doubt
a speck of dream
asleep so deep
it barely breathed.
When the time came
that you found me again,
and you kissed me
by the river at sunset,
and I smelled your neck
just below your ear,
the dream awakened.
Sparks flew because we knew
the dream was more than just alive
and more than just a dream.
© JoAnne Silvia, 2016
“The world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place.” Casting Crowns
Did I have any inkling of this 15 years ago at the end of a 20 year marriage? If I did, the inkling was overwhelmed by the grief. But now it all makes perfect sense. Sometimes it’s hard to trust the timing, but God is listening, working with us, and has wonderful surprises in store for us.